Student in Singapore Becomes Literal Make Out Bandit

Funny story written by pjonathong

Thursday, 25 September 2008

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An exchange student in Singapore was arrested yesterday, giving a new and literal meaning to the (awesome) expression make out bandit.

The arrest, for illegal possession of chewing gum, happened at the popular nightclub "Party Like its 1841", in the early hours of yesterday morning. As is popularly known, being caught chewing gum in Singapore, a fine city, carries a hefty surcharge. The young man could not be reached for comment, and his death is feared to imminent (or to have already occurred).

What makes this story remarkable (because simply being arrested for having gum in Singapore is utterly droll) is the manner in which the young man acquired the offending stick. Gum is not sold on the streets in Singapore, and the offender did not have any other pieces on his person (which is probably lucky, because otherwise he would have been arrested for possession for the purpose of trafficking, which is punishable by death after torture, presumably) The young man was said to have spotted a girl in the same (awesome) club chewing gum, and was struck by an unalterable desire to live in sin (and for fresh breath).

The offender approached the girl, who had the gum literally in her mouth, and accosted her with his mouth (and tongue I suppose), stealing the gum right from above her chin (and possibly right under her tongue) in a move described by one onlooker as "a total makeout session".

After this (spectacular) manoeuvre, the young man tried to continue enjoying his night, but this was quickly interrupted. Police entered the club shortly afterwards, responding most likely to reports of people moving slightly in time with the music (an offense punishable by a torture rack, so as to literally straighten them out). The police quickly spotted the telltale circular jaw motion associated with the offence, and after a short altercation (which, ironically enough, involved spitting) the youth was arrested.

Onlookers, no doubt rather impressed with the initial manoeuvre, quietly conversed and gossiped about the spectacular series of events until one particularly clever fellow remarked "he's a real mother****ing makeout bandit. This point was conceded by all the others are being remarkably witty.

People at home are praying often for the youth's safe return, so that upon arrival he can continue preying.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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