Infallible latex Pope doll starts lactating

Funny story written by queen mudder

Friday, 18 July 2008

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The infallible pope doll is modelled on this one

Las Vegas - (Gestating Mess): A Las Vegas casino's 50ft latex papal effigy mascot offering gamblers infallible advice has suddenly begun seeping a milky substance from its manboobs after a grateful grope by a delighted roulette winner.

The $500,000 rubber Pope doll was installed last year at the Midas Horn of Plenty casino by its new proprietor.

He'd paid a dollar into a Pope-themed advice slot machine, receiving six lucky numbers by return instead of a taped homily on the perils of gambling.

Ronny Silver went on to win millions of dollars on Nevada's El Gordo lottery, ending up converting from Judaism to Mammon. He took over the Midas shortly afterwards.

This week Gamblers Anonymous fugitive Briony Poleaxe also encountered divine intercession after accidentally slumping in a strunken dupor against Ronny's newly installed Pope doll, just after losing heavily at baccarat.

The thud of her 20 stone body triggered the mascot's computerised electronic advice system to shortcircuit, sending an electric shock through the woman's head.

"Within a few minutes I was a woman reborn!" Ms Poleaxe told reporters today.

"Holy shit! Suddenly I could speak in tongues and predict the sequence of numbers," Poleaxe continued excitedly.

"Sure I was a bit dazed and stunned... but I managed to get up and went back inside the casino with my last fifty dollars.

"In the next few minutes I'd won this huge pile of chips by backing the number one for ten consecutive spins of the wheel. Altogether, one hundred thousand dollars!

"Now that's what I call a real miracle."

Her subsequent grateful pilgrimage to the casino's Pope doll included climbing up its latex cassock to try planting a thank-you kiss on its chubby papal cheek.

"And then its suddenly started sprouting boobs!" Poleaxe chuckled, "and this whiteish milky stuff just oozed all over my body."

Casino staff are said to be investigating.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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