New Culinary Fad: Mercury On Everything!

Funny story written by Clifford Rutley

Friday, 13 June 2008

image for New Culinary Fad: Mercury On Everything!
Chicken & Tomatoes With Mercury Drizzle

Following the many corporate big pharmaceutical funded scientific reports telling us that mercury in our vaccines is highly nutritious and beneficial to our brains; many celebrity chiefs have started to add it to their dishes.

Jamie Oliver started the ball rolling with his new range of Sainsbury's Taste The Difference mercury based drizzles and sauces. The most successful sellers so far are the Autism & Chives Melt and Cancer Causing Croutons In GMO Butter Sauce.

Gordon Ramsey now forces all the contestants on his F word cook off show to drink thermostats full of mercury before they begin cooking each meal, in order to get them used to the feeling of their brain cells dieing. Then, he forcibly injects anyone who disagrees with him, with autism creating compounds, while he F's at them constantly as they try to boil potatoes in mercury spiked water.

Even Ainsley Harriott has got in on the action, including a few thermostats in every green pepper and red tomato bag that he gives his contestants on his Ready Steady Cook show.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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