St George's Chapel, Windsor - (Reuterus): Months of covert DNA testing at the National Poisons Unit at Aldermaston has concluded that Ms Violet Freeman, a Stalinist double agent who impersonated the Queen Mother from September 1940 to March 2002, is the biological mother of George Herbert Bush, 41st President of the United States.
Further DNA testing in a secret underground facility under Lake Geneva, Switzerland had also confirmed that the Satanist dubbed Hitler's Pope, Pius XI, was the rent-boy lover who spawned this Bush doppelganger and successfully choreographed his infiltration into the rabidly fascist Texan family.
Additional testing shows that the current presidential incumbent, George Walker Bush, is also an impostor who slimed his way into the Bush family after being paid by the satanic JP2 Lodge to take over America.
Impersonating Bush1's son has been easy for the witless mafia mobster who shares Hitler's Pope, Giovanni Pacelli, as his biological father.
His blood-mother is a British cousin of the cunning minx Violet who also gave birth to ex-UK Prime Monster Tony Blair and a number of other high-class criminals who currently dominate the news headlines.
And his maternal grandfather? Step forward Adolf Hitler, the Vatican's greatest post-Rasputin asset since the execution of the Romanovs that made this deception possible.
Today's National Poisons Unit findings have prompted a call for the mandatory exhumation of the impostor Queen Mother and a national holiday when her remains can be burnt in a skip in some public landfill site.
"Then we'll have to remove al the other impostors from St George's Chapel and fumigate it so it's fir for human consumption once again," a Royal Residences source said today.