London: In an international stampede of alleged social consciousness started by Gordon Brown, no one will attend the opening ceremony of the 2008 Olympics.
I previously reported that Gordon Brown was going to attend in keeping with his lack of interest or compassion for the oppressed, however, I was wrong. In addition to those admirable qualities he is spineless.
"I assure you that I am not spineless in my dramatic flip flop. I stand by the fact am not bovverd by oppression but I am having my eyebrows waxed that day and those appointments are hard to come by."
However Mr. Brown's announcement that he would not attend the opening but the closing ceremony was seen by the world as a pang of conscience and the world has followed suit. No one will attend the opening games.
Chinese Olympic Committee chairperson XiXi (aka Pot Sticker) says "We are not bovvered that no one is attending. We will make our own crowd, we have enough people to fill all the stadiums on earth at the same time. We will just march all of the oppressed there, dress them up, supply them with flags and noisemakers.
"We have master make up artists who will make a Gordon Brown or anyone we like. We have even asked Pixie Geldorf to sing the national anthem of China and she's accepted. Her lack of musical talent is perfect for this task. Let the games begin!!!"
