Jews Found Guilty, Forced To Pay Restitution

Funny story written by bartlebysnopes

Saturday, 1 March 2008

image for Jews Found Guilty, Forced To Pay Restitution
Jesus - in happier times.

In what was slated as the trial of the century, the entire Jewish population of the world has been found guilty of the murder of Jesus.

In a trial that relied heavily on historical evidence, with countless witnesses reading passages from the Bible, and even a showing in its entirety of Mel Gibson's film The Passion of the Christ, the jury unanimously found the Jews guilty after deliberating for just 30 minutes.

The jury, made up entirely of Christians, handed down the guilty verdict with a look of vindication.

Jews across the world were disappointed in the verdict, but relieved to discover that they would not be doing any jail time.

Each Jewish family must donate 10% of their yearly income for the next fifteen years to a Christian church of their choice. While the Jews were not readily willing to depart with such a large sum of money, they found this punishment better than the alternatives.

"I'm just glad that I don't have to go to jail," one Jew told reporters.

The Christians of the world responded to the verdict and sentence with mixed feelings. Polls indicate that 98% of Christians were pleased that the Jews were found guilty, but only 46% thought the punishment was harsh enough.

"We've been waiting 2000 years for justice and all they get is a little fine," one angry Christian declared. "We pay that much to our own churches every year. They should have had to pay at least 20%, and maybe some jail time too."

Other Christians were even more dissatisfied. "Those Old Testament only believers should all be crucified," an angry mob of Christians declared outside the courthourse. "After all, eye for an eye is what they believe in. They're just lucky that Jesus is more compassionate than that."

There is no official word yet on whether or not the Jews will appeal, but the general consensus in a poll of Jews was that they would accept the punishment for fear that an appeal would lead to a worser fine.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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