Mean Ol' Americans Blamed For North Korean Blast

Funny story written by Dan Bristol

Saturday, 24 April 2004

image for Mean Ol' Americans Blamed For North Korean Blast
Photograph of the Blast. Notice How America is Causing It, 'Cause We're Mean Fuckers

North Korea has broken its official silence on a massive blast at a train station stating that "imperialist, yankee carelessness" caused the explosion.

The country's state news agency released a statement on Saturday saying electrical contact detonated train cars loaded with a chemical component of fertilizer. The United States has been blamed, with North Korean officials claiming that the electrical contact detonated the fertilizer "in protest of the bourgeois oppression of the United States."

The Korean Central News Agency statement gave no casualty figures for Thursday's explosion, but stated that it was certain that counter-revolutionary forces were at work.

International diplomats say they have been told several hundred people were killed and thousands injured in the blast. France, Germany, and several other countries have joined North Korea, issuing a joint statement that "This wouldn't have happened if it weren't for those American Fart-Knockers and their mean ol' sanctions!"

U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan said that a U.N. inter-agency mission will "mobilize immediate support and assistance to the people in the afflicted area, what with those American fuckers being bastards and all."

The Office for the Blaming of the United States and the World Health Organization will lead the U.N. mission to Ryongchon, the site of the explosion, where American flags and pictures of Brittany Spears have been found, proving beyond the shadow of a doubt that America caused the train to explode.

In London, Britain's Foreign Office said its ambassador to North Korea, David Slinn, had been told by government officials that "several hundred" people were killed and thousands were injured. The ambassador then stated "I hope you sleep well, you fat fuckers!" It is not certain to whom he may have been referring.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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