Earth is Center of Universe after all

Written by Gabriel Eliot

Thursday, 17 January 2008

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Scientists admitted in a private interview early this morning that the Earth actually is the center of the universe after all, and that they have been fooling the majority of the world's population for nearly five hundred years.

"We've all been chortling in our labs every time we think about it," said one top astronomer who asked to remain anonymous. "I's amazing how gullible people are; I mean, it's so obvious that we're sitting in the center of everything, and yet everyone bought the heliocentric theory just because we said it with white coats and serious expressions on."

"Oh yeah, sorry," he added, as the interview ended.

Science teachers in elementary schools in the U.S., Canada, and Australia have lodged a formal protest against the scientific community for being left out of the joke.

"We already have to cope with kids who are rambunctious and inattentive," complained Miss Jessica Watsbury, a fourth-grade science teacher from Taddle, Minnesota. "What's it going to do to our credibility for them to find out that we were stupid enough not to see that the Earth is the center of the solar system? There are centuries of damage to repair now, thanks to these astrophysics pranksters."

The U.N. has been called on to issue a formal rebuke to scientists worldwide, but the United Kingdom has taken more formal steps to rebuke this scientific joke: the Queen hosted a formal egging of several prominent scientists' houses this afternoon. Several astronomers were annoyed enough to ask the eggers, who were mostly volunteers, to go away.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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