Aussie Cuisine: Aliens On The Barbie!

Funny story written by Vince LaFleur

Monday, 12 April 2004

image for Aussie Cuisine: Aliens On The Barbie!
Come and get it! Nigel Puckett, left and neighbour Geoff "Dingo" Lawson like their ET meat "outback style."

Australian UFO researchers say they are having difficulty investigating incidents down under because citizens of the continent have developed a taste for the space visitors.

Robert Preston-Jones of the Australian First Contact Society confirms his country has been a hot bed of UFO activity over the past year. " But it is unfortunate that increasingly our investigators will arrive on the scene ready to make friendly contact with aliens only to find them on the local barbie."

Last spring, after hearing of a UFO landing near Pooncarie in the Outback, Preston-Jones sent a team of scientists to investigate. The spacecraft was found in a dry lakebed near a large cattle station, but joy quickly turned to dread when the crew was discovered missing.

The investigators proceeded to the main house at the station. There they saw owner Nigel Puckett and another man "at the barbie heaping up plate after plate with grey ET steaks and ribs for most of the population of Pooncarie," reports lead researcher Joe Davies. The meal included potatoes and a "peculiar looking sauce or gravy." "Most people were bogging in for seconds and they'd all had a coldie (beer) or two."

Puckett, 60, says ET meat is some of the best you will ever taste. "It's ripper! The wife likes to chew on the ribs. That's her favourite. The grandkids love it too. They tell me vegemite ain't within a cooee of this tucker and ask for it in their school lunches everyday."

Puckett is hoping more aliens will visit the area. "I've made some of the little buggers into sausage and I can see a good business there. Crikey! I'd love to have a fast food franchise in America, but my supply is too small right now."

Despite that, Puckett's wife of 40 years, Bonnie is working on a cookbook of alien recipes that she hopes will be released next year. "Diced loin, fillets, leg pieces and sausages are all lovely on the barbie," says Bonnie. She recommends a marinade of 1 cup of soy sauce, 1 cup of cherry or rice wine, 1 cup of honey, ΒΌ teaspoon each of coriander, cumin and black pepper and 2 crushed cloves of garlic.

The meat also goes well in casseroles and stews. A quick "bushman's lunch" can be made from: 500gm of diced alien, 1 large sliced onion, 1 carrot, 200gm of pumpkin cut into large chunks, 1 cup red wine, teaspoon of basil, teaspoon parsley, 2 cups of meat stock (an excellent stock can be made using alien feet) and a tablespoon of tomato paste.

According to Bonnie the shorter and plumper female aliens produce the best cuts of meat.

" Technologically, Australia is twenty years behind the rest of world," says Robert Preston-Jones. "In some parts of the country indoor plumbing is the latest discovery. We have a great opportunity to learn from the aliens, but not when they end up in a dog's eye (meat pie) We have their ships and equipment and nobody knows how to use them." Preston-Jones also has a dire warning for his countrymen. "I predict future Australian alien abductees will be subjected to more than just a routine anal probing,"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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