Fears of copycat Branch Davidian doomsday cult massacre in Russia

Funny story written by queen mudder

Thursday, 15 November 2007

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Comet Katie Holmes. Is it the trigger?

Nikolskoye, Central Russia - (AssoCIAted Mess): About 30 oligarch members of a pseudo-Branch Davidian doomsday cult have barricaded themselves in a remote cave in Central Russia because they think the end of the world is near as oil prices slump to $92.15 a barrel for December light sweet crude.

They are threatening to commit suicide with a huge stash of dynamite if police intervene and are hiding inside a snowy hillock somewhere in Russia's Penza region.

Some reports say that cult members had been betting heavily on internet spread betting index Aintgottaprayer.com that crude prices will top $125 a barrel in time for Thanksgiving - an event that will spark a Senate coup d'etat that will depose the Bush Administraiton.

"We think they may have got the numbers wrong and lost a packet on that wager," a Bloodyvostock police department source said today.

Reports also claimed that the cult are threatening to detonate a gas tank parked on a strategic position on the Trans-Siberian gas pipe to Europe.

Locals from the Penza region said today that they thought the doomsday cult members might just be 'simple Christians'.

But the Branch Davidian connection may prove ominous as local cops admitted today they found computer material at the home of the cult leaders tracking the trajectory of the mystery Comet Holmes that is baffling astronomers and Armageddonists alike.

"Perhaps it's not a Branch Davidian-related phenomenon at all, but a Scientology thinggie because of the Comet Katie Holmes link?" was how one Russian police source put it today.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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