David and Victoria Beckham, conceded today that their quest to be famous in America was now starting to falter.
Soccerball player Beckham, most famous for assaulting Argentinian acrobat Diego Simeone with his shoelace, is rumoured to be seriously considering a return to the Vauxhall Conference league, should the American public continue to 'not give a damn' about Victoria and his Stateside antics.
After a series of snubs - Jennifer Lopez is considering plastic surgery in an effort to lose the couple and Tom Cruise hides behind drapes (American for curtains) pretending to be out when they call - the final straw is said to have been when Cruise rejected the couples application to join the Scientologists on the grounds that 'they were just too darn needy'
