Poll Shows American Troops Plan to Keep Killing Innocent Civillians After Return From Iraq

Funny story written by Dick Merrick, Jr.

Friday, 11 May 2007

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A recent Gallup Poll of US Troops returning to America indicated that more than 80% said they would continue to kill innocent civilians when returning to their respective home towns.

"It's what we were trained to do", said one proud G.I, "I can't see myself going back to a regular job at this point."

"Most American soldiers have enjoyed the power over life and death long enough for it to become an addiction", remarked Dr. Blaise Ennui of The Baltimore Psychiatric Institute at an eating disorder seminar on Wednesday. "The feeling of being able to kill anyone you want with no consequences can be very intoxicating. Just ask any policeman".

Still another segment of returning vets say they want to keep fighting when they get back to the States because there is a lot of cleaning up to do right in their own back yards.

"Most Americans...a good 30%... say they support the troops", said Corporal Jason "Body Count" Mulrooney, "Well... they can show that support by letting us do any damn thing we want when we get back. I don't know about these other guys, but I've got a lot of scores to settle at home".

Others say they want to keep killing just because it's a lot more fun than the violent video games they used to play before going to real war.

One romantic soldier did show a rare sign of tenderness. Billy "Shooter" Simmons said he was really looking forward to dating again.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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