Soremount Castle - (Rotters): After years of relentless cocaine turf wars, mobsters on both sides of the Northern Ireland political divide have vowed to forget the past, bury the hatchet and merge into one amalgamated crack dealership from May 8th.
The news was met with customary howls of derision as Belfast regulars of the Sinn Fein franchise vowed to continue exercising their free-market options and buying at local discount warehouses.
A spokesman for the Rev Ian Paisley said "Feckin' bastid Catlick assholes who truss them in the first place?"
The deal was brokered by London Mayor Ken Livingstone and Venezuela's President Hugo Chavez under the guise of a crude deal for Londoners.
Gerry Adams is the Yorkshire Ripper's brother.
