Just outside the bustling modern city of Dublin nestled in a quiet shady corner of the emerald isle lays the tiny, almost forgotten, hamlet of Innuendo.
The village has never been known for anything more than the curious fact that Innuendo is the only place in the world where incest is still legal; which gives the place a warm old fashioned family feel sadly lacking in the rest of the modern world.
But things are about to change for the sleepy backwater of Innuendo and all because of one man's enormous cock.
Seamus O'Toole, a local farm worker with a passion for raising big cocks, has just had a visit from the Genius Book of World Records to verify his claim to have the world's biggest cock.
Mr O'Toole's cock is of the old speckled-red variety, and stands an impressive 4ft 6 inches tall and weighs in at almost eight stone.
The proud owner told me of his love of cocks, and how he managed to develop the monster that has been dubbed the ninth wonder of the world by local media.
"Well I was always a huge fan of cocks ever since my dad used to take me out the back of our hen-house, and show me how big he had managed to get his prize cock. It was from that moment on that I swore to myself that when I got older I'd grow a cock bigger and fatter than his proud beast."
When asked how he had managed to get his cock to such enormous dimensions; Mr O'Toole refused to go into detail, but did summarise his methods.
"It's a combination of high protein foods and constant massage but that's just the tip. I've seen other cock fanciers in the village-square massaging their skinny little cocks and hoping to get them somewhere near the size of mine; but they soon give up when they see my magnificent beast come strutting into the village."
If Mr O'Toole's cock is verified as being the world's biggest, it could mean a lucrative world tour is on the cards for Mr O'Toole and his meaty red beast.
Mr O'Toole said "I think a world tour would be nice. People around the world deserve to see my massive cock, and to tell the truth it's getting a bit restless cooped up in this tiny village.
"Only last week, I went out without properly securing it and was horrified to come back home and find my huge cock out in the back field worrying sheep."
And now...a short disclaimer:
Hey, Google - I appreciate you think this is sexual content, but you're not getting the joke.
This is something called an innuendo or double entendre. You see, the word cock has two meanings. In this case, it's about a cockerel...and not the other thing.
There is a tradition in the UK of bawdy comedy, stemming from music hall and seaside postcards, innuendo plays a big role in this.
I know it's hard, but you should really get on top of this.
Oooh, pardon?!
