No Ducking Way!

Written by K. Napolitano

Monday, 19 February 2007

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Holy Duck!

A four-legged duck born in Hampshire, England yesterday is being widely viewed by scientists as a sign of rapid, but necessary, evolution.

Dr. Souless of the esteemed Science Not Religion Institute (SNRI) issued a statement that described how the plucky duck's unusual anatomy was merely a natural evolutionary response to the now widespread avian flu virus. "This is nature's adaptation," explained Ima Souless, "that will allow future generations of ducks to outrun the virus. The virus may be airborne, but it will never be faster than a four-legged duck."

Religious fundamentalists have refuted Souless' assertion stating the duck is an aberration allowed by the higher power as a physical sign of His unhappiness. "A four legged duck is a sign - like the four horsemen of the Apocalypse and the four writers of the Gospels." said Rev. Peebraned, of the Church of Holy Salvation and Donations. The reverend added that all of God's creations had value and being as how he liked a little duck meat now and again, them four legs might be mighty tasty when slow cooked over some applewood in an open bit barbecue.

Souless and the team at the Institute believe that this is just the first of many rapid evolutionary adaptations. They predict that within months trees that flower with deep fried cupcakes will appear and human adult males will develop the ability to think about sex and sports simultaneously without feeling all creepy and scared that it might mean something about their masculinity.

Copyright 2007, K. Napolitano

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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