Nancy Pelosi landed safely in Taiwan (maybe I shouldn’t write this too soon) and is feeling empowered.
After her usual hellos to everybody from the Taiwan government (who were all shitting bricks, I believe is the Taiwanese expression), she started in on China and Prez Xi.
“Prez Xi can suck my left ovary if he don’t like me bringin’ the pain!” said Speaker Pelosi (she’s from New York, we think). “Yo, Xi, Immagonna make you my bitch, old school! You’ll be working the streets of Shanghai for me tonight! Y’all better make me some serious green, X, or I’ll get my army to cut your soldiers down to size! I got nukes in my ass – you wanna slow dance? I’m over here, nice and close to China, come git some!”
After trying to calm her down, Taiwanese authorities decided it was best to take her to a dragon show and give her lots of rice wine to hopefully shut her up.
In the morning, she slept off her intense hangover while flying Mach 5 in a US Airforce jet while Frank Sinatra sang, “Come Fly With Me”.
