(NOT EDITED) In the remote Chinese province, Xinjiang, suddenly global interest in one inhabitant has gone viral after reports he was determined to bring fame to his desolate mountain village!
Wan Pong Poo, 85-year-old senior citizen, locked himself in his outdoor bog on the 15.12.2020, he hates Christmas, and has not breathed fresh air since. He only opened the bog door so his wife could supply him with his favourite food, local fried in wok veggies, which keep his flatulent existence going at turbo speed.
After reading a 1951 Guinness Book of Records left behind by famous Chinese explorer, Lon Gon Loo, he decided to sit on the bog and break the Guinness record for sitting on a bog recorded in 1945 by a Japanese soldier, who locked himself in a bog on a remote Pacific island believing the war was not over and, US GI's were searching for him. He sat there for 30 days surviving on cockroaches and other bugs until Man Friday, dressed in a Hula Hula skirt, appeared to inform him he was a total Nutter! In the interim he really was!
Not being outdone by the Japanese again, Wan Pong Poo, took on the challenge, and after sitting on his bog reading the thoughts of Chairman Mao backwards and forwards repeatedly, news spread down the valley. Officials from Beijing decided to tell Guinness about this amazing, record-breaking effort!
They sent specialists to make sure poor old Wan Pong Poo was really locked in his bog, and after 31 days, needing a shower, and smelling like a bunch of rotting Chinese roses, he topped the Japanese Nutter's record!
After being officially recorded in the famous book, fame and fortune descended on Wan Pong Poo's village. But sadly, he now has a wicked dose of painful haemorrhoids. Boots the Chemist has offered their special creams to ease his pain and sent boxes to Wan Pong Poo for free, including DHL postal costs, as long as he sits on his bog once again to shoot a TV Ad for Boots and DHL ! He reluctantly agreed!