CAMEL SHIT, Afghanistan – (World News) – Al Qaeda Assistant Leader Mustafa Habiboo reportedly texted Taliban and Hezbollah leaders stating that, as he was watching Anderson Cooper on CNN, he had no freaking idea that it was so damn easy to invade the United States Capitol Building.
Habiboo told Taliban Executive Leader Malawi Abu Fizzifu that he saw Trump’s Army of Anarchists simply drive up in their pick-up trucks, in front of the Capitol, and just walk right up the steps, break dozens of windows, and enter the Capitol Building as if they were tourists.
Hezbollah Vice Leader Muhammad Shake Origami texted that each of the three terrorist groups could have had dozens of their followers simply become dues-paying members in any of several of Trump’s favorite white far right extremist groups, such as, the Proud Boys, The Sons of Adolf Hitler, The Hells Angels, and Trump’s all time favorite group, The Ku Klux Klan.
As Fizzifu watched Fox News he heard Sean Hannity say that the Capitol Police were overrun by the insurgent, home-grown terrorists, as if they were merely elementary school crossing guards.
And he saw that the D.C. Metro Police where no better, as they were actually one step below forest rangers.
Nobody in the three eastern terrorist groups can figure out why the Anarchist-in-Chief, Donald “Pussy Face” Trump did not call in the National Guard to take back the Capitol Building.
Meanwhile, little 6-year-old Timmy Fizzifu reportedly looked up at his daddy and asked, “Daddykins, could it perhaps be due to the fact that the National Guard would have been fighting against Trump the Chump’s own anarchist solders?”