Man Couldn't Stop Swearing

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 13 August 2020

image for Man Couldn't Stop Swearing
A man preparing to use bad language

It's been reported that a man in East Yorkshire has been diagnosed with Extreme Tourettes Syndrome (ETS) after he visited one of the top medical facilities in the north last week.

Doctors at Oaf-on-Sea Infirmary said that the patient just could not stop swearing, and the hospital speech therapy department had to be evacuated, after the air turned blue.

Myke Woodson, a local man in his 50s, attended the infirmary after arousing the attention of Humberside Police, who were called to a number of incidents where Woodson was upsetting family, friends, neighbours, and members of the public with his incessant bad language.

One neighbour, mother-of-three Mandy Wilson, said:

"It was awful, it really was. His mouth is like a fucking sewer."

Another, 79-year-old Alice Simpkin, felt the same. She said:

"I feel the same. It's shocking, filthy. He ought to know better at his age in life, the silly cunt."

Extreme Tourettes Syndrome (ETS) is the extreme form of Tourettes Syndrome (TS), a condition where sufferers experience nervous convulsions that are accompanied by frequent and impulsive bouts of swearing, causing embarrassment to both the swearer and listeners.

Police haven't yet released exact details of Mr. Woodson's utterances, but a spokesman said:

"Fuck me! It wasn't very pleasant."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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