Midwest, United States. On the morning of Tuesday, December 10th, Biff Spud, 47, finally grew tired of Nathan Harbor's bullshit, as well as the lack of enthusiasm he was displaying for his job.
Sensing that the part-time, 39-year-old administrative assistant at Penetration Technology Industries wasn't fulfilling his tasks in a professional manner (or taking anything seriously), Biff, a veteran, part-time, administrative assistant with the company, felt the overwhelming need to confront the new hire and calmly tell him about everything he was doing wrong.
Recently divorced, angry, and unwilling to take any shit concerning his filing of written and oral communications, Nathan stood up, took the belt off of his dress pants, and whipped it at Biff in such a way that the metal buckle smashed into his mouth and knocked three of his teeth out.
Slightly stunned (but in no way defeated) Biff then threw his right elbow into Nathan's temple before clocking him in the jaw with a left hook.
Sources confirmed that Mr. Spud then grabbed Nathan by the hair, spat in his face, and said the words, "Listen here, Bitch! Your cash receipting, your receptionist duties, and your general greeting of the public just plain suck!" before he was driven back a few feet by an unexpected, flat-handed swipe to the throat.
"My clerical skills and my familiarity with the general operations of this office are probably better than yours, you worthless fucking piece of shit!" Nathan was reportedly heard saying, before he used a deadly combination of high kicks that propelled Biff directly into a nearby wall.
Responding with Asian-style aikido movements as well as an upper-cut that sent Nathan toppling over a stack of papers, Biff then roared (in demonic, 'behemoth-like' fashion) that his unknown dream as a young child had been fully realized when he found a job with no benefits and no retirement plan that allowed him to use Microsoft Office Applications efficiently on a daily basis while under severe pressure... and that he wasn't going to let ANYBODY insult that dream by acting like a JERK!
Bleeding, severely cognitively confused, near death, and coughing out chunks of his own internal organs, the young Mr. Harbor then recalled the wisdom his academic adviser had shared with him in community college years ago:
"You can 'be'...whatever you want to 'be'...just...'be'... 'something'... in 'life'.....and whatever you choose to 'be'...then that will 'be'....what you 'are'...."
Upon remembering that highly-detailed, clear, specific, and extremely motivational bit of advice, Nathan gathered up all of his remaining strength, charged into Biff at full speed, and successfully pushed him through one of the plate glass windows in the front part of the office before both men went tumbling down a flight of stairs in the outside hallway.
After Biff successfully decapitated Nathan with a spreadsheet and held up his severed head as a basic sign of ultimate victory, lead secretary Jane Smith, 52, told reporters that "this type of highly-strung behavior happens all the time", and that the company just needs to send out more applications for part-time jobs that don't cover the basic cost of living or rent.