"Don't Make Me Do Stuff" Movement gaining traction.

Funny story written by Brock Bigbalow

Monday, 9 December 2019

image for "Don't Make Me Do Stuff" Movement gaining traction.
Possibly Raven, but they all looked so similar I can't confirm

The movement known as "Don't Make Me Do Stuff" is starting to gain traction in Canada.

What started out as a protest by mostly teens who didn't want to be told what to do, has developed into a whole movement of mostly teens not wanting to be told what to do, and they've arrived in their parents cars at Parliament Hill in Ottawa. Their main goal, according to their spokeshuman, is to have all laws made illegal on the basis that "laws tell us what we can and can't do, and it's not fair."

I caught up to the spokeshuman leaning against a brick wall, and having a vape not far from Parliament Hill, this morning, to see if I could get any information about this movement, and what plans they had.

He (I confirmed with him that that is, indeed, his current gender), is a sixteen-year-old with black hair and a strange gaze, who only goes by the name Raven, and he agreed to talk to me to give me some information about this group. In the five minutes we spoke before he became distracted, I did piece together a fair amount of the goals and issues they have.

The median age of the group is about fifteen, with the upper echelon in their early to mid-twenties, but they don't come to the protests, they just organize them online. While they have many demands, mostly centering on free Wi-Fi and high-paying jobs without any training, in whatever field they choose, their biggest issue is the fact that there are laws, and they want laws to be made illegal.

"This is supposed to be a free country, and yet there are all these laws dictating what we can and can't do. It's totes hypocritical, and they should outlaw laws if they truly want to have a free country," said Raven, with a slight quiver in his voice.

When I pointed out that having a law that would make laws illegal would mean there is still at least one law, he became irate, and accused me of being "in bed with the Man, man," before he stomped off to the group's mobile safe space.

I will be monitoring this demonstration and will update with any news, but as the weather cools, I get the impression they will be calling off events until spring.

More to come.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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