In a surprise announcement to the United Nations, CEO and Chairman of Amazon.com Jeff Bezos announced that Amazon intends to rebuild the Amazon.
"We met with a tribal group of strong beautiful women who looked like trees, and we're now convinced that the depletion of both them and the actual trees of the rainforest would be a tragedy," intoned Bezos, with a pained sense of urgency.
"Starting today, 2% of all sales of forestry, tree or hygiene products on Amazon.com will go directly to reforestation efforts in the Amazon Rainforest. We're not sure if we're going to drop the seedlings in from space, or just contract-out to local tribesmen to regrow them in seed pods or tree farms on the banks of the Amazon River, but we'll find a Ninth Way. We cannot let this become Dante's 9th Circle of Hell."
One UN representative asked if he had been reading other works by Dante, and if this moved him to urgent action, or if not being able to actually understand anything that the tribal women said, except for their deep and obvious weeping while holding up tree saplings, that finally did the trick.
"They need jobs. We need trees and them. The partnership is an obvious one, for us, and for the planet. Amazon has never paid an actual commission for our name to the people OF the Amazon, so we thought it was about more than gesture, in these dark days of exploiting rainforests and dwindling wild places."
The entire United Nations rose to their feet, applauding wildly. Order was not restored for a full fifteen minutes, and audible sobs were heard from the Brazilian representatives.