TESLA introduces new Child Safety Features

Written by Madame George

Tuesday, 8 October 2019

image for TESLA introduces new Child Safety Features
"Tesla's Inner Embrace"

Inspired entrepreneur and caring parent Elon Musk, flanked by smiling board members, unveiled the new "Tesla Tussle Egg", designed to instantly spray out and surround children in a space-age, see-through foam which protects both car interior, and child, from flying objects, flying food, flying siblings, and flying saucers.

Breathless, Musk exhorted the new material, which springs out like silly string from the back seat video control knob, in case of emergency, spreading out in a slightly frightening, but ultimately comforting, sheath embryonic egg which leaves space for both breathing, possible emergency underwater exploration (some talk about transfer technology between vehicle models for the family/personal subMars marine vehicle on next year's lineup, which can double as an earthmover and bio planting system for Mars zucchini) and cool down periods between sibling boxing matches over movie choices.

"It's like an emergency car womb," said Musk, wonderingly. "I dreamed it in a dream."

Word is, three calming musical pieces begin humming inside of the clear foam, upon any decibel louder than Black Sabbath music played at regular levels.

"We agree, as a supportive board, that it's a real Steam Punk Miracle improvement," said a spokeswoman. Orders have begun pouring in.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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