Incompetent Angel Humbly Accepts Demotion After Innocent Soul Originally Intended For Reincarnation Was Sent Back To The Past

Funny story written by Wesley Janson

Saturday, 31 August 2019

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5th Layer Of Heaven. "GOD-DAMNIT!" and "SHIT!" were just a few of the angry, loud, and desperate words that were heard on the southwestern corner of the 5th Layer of Heaven last Wednesday, when a recently-promoted angel accidentally sent a soul (originally destined for reincarnation) into the past.

After going through a rather intense internship that involved 'on-the-job' training and 'thorough guidance,' the beautifully-winged Angel Nathanial made a severe administrative error at 2:45 pm when he absent-mindedly scheduled the inner-most being of Marles Johnson for a birth in a New York City tenement housing during the late stages of the Industrial Revolution.

Marles (a lonely, unemployed, heart-broken, anguished, disillusioned, inconsolable, 56-year-old drunkard who passed away in an isolated Alaskan cabin in June) was originally intended to become a highly-esteemed, sober, married, and emotionally-balanced Professor of Engineering at a top-notch California University in the 24th Century, but he was misplaced due to the distracting noise of numerous requests coming in from Wisconsin for the "Stupid Packers" to win the next Super Bowl.

Despite multiple warnings that idiotic and meaningless prayers like that would flood his mind while trying to direct spiritual traffic, Nathanial (without proper supervision) became overwhelmed and lost focus, before he violated the ultimate laws of the Universe by placing Mr. Johnson's highly-sensitive soul "backwards" in time instead of "forward."

Upon realizing that Marles was drafted in 1917 and then torn to pieces by relentless machine gun fire during the first World War, Nathanial (in a hurried, unprofessional, and desperate attempt to correct his mistake before being caught) inadvertently sent the 'worn-out' spirit back even further to the Mesozoic Era, only to horrifyingly observe a winged reptile tear his head completely off, before using its razor-sharp teeth to feast on his quivering, blood-soaked remains.


When he received a severe reprimand that further displays of incompetence like that would make him a good public school principal (or perhaps even a social clinical worker in the meth lab-filled State of Iowa) on Earth, Nathanial humbly accepted his demotion to the 4th level of Heaven, where he was immediately comforted by cool oceanic breezes, as well as other unemployed, large-breasted, female angels constantly bringing him chalices of wine, while desperately begging to sexually please him.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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