Dollis Hill, Isle of Dogs - (Barking): “It’s just local estate agents talking up the neighbourhood,” a reporter on the North London Argus Bargus said today after the property column published its annual report about the leafy residential enclave of Dollis Hill.
Prices, it seems, have risen steadily despite an epidemic of what the paper has outed as ‘garbage tenants’ in Otter View Avenue - especially at the cemetery end near McDonalds where Victorian back-to-backs sell for nigh on one million squid.
The road was recently vandalised when a suspected teenage gang daubed Nazi swastikas on the No 149 bus stop, triggering a solemn Editorial response about neo-fascism eruptions caused by a lousy Brexit.
Meanwhile a pair of lady-friends in the area’s Meatpacking District were surprised to find themselves all over the Early TV Breakfast News today described as Dollis Hill ‘perverts’ with a penchant for porn.
“These are the worst headlines we’ve ever had,” local councillor Mavis Snatchworthy-Smythe told the Spoof’s communities editor.
Just the worst....apart from the front page in 1988 when the Argus Bargus captioned Prime Minister Mrs Thatcher as ‘Myra Hindley’ the notorious perverted child killer (and almost Thatcher lookalike).
A refurbished 2-up 2-down in Perverts Close will set you back £900,000.