Britain has opened its own Guantanamo Bay-style detention camp, Downing Street has revealed.
The discovery of several al-Qaeda cells, and the perceived ongoing threat of terrorism have forced the government into taking a step that will, almost certainly, prove unpopular amongst the Muslim communities in the UK.
The site of the camp, alone, at Bird Island, South Georgia, is enough to strike fear into the heart of any extremist. With no airport, 1200 miles from the nearest railway station, and more than 6000 miles from the nearest curry house, Guano Bay, as it will be known, will be the Mother Of All Prison Camps.
In keeping with the difficult conditions in British jails, detainees will be locked up for at least 6 hours per day, housed in cells without en suite facilities, and must not speak either Swahili or Cantonese on Wednesdays.
Other tough restrictions include only 14 hours recreation per day, less than 3 hours daily internet access, and no bomb-making or other terrorist activities, unless a guard is present, or the inmate has a letter of authorisation from the Governor.
Although Bird Island is primarily a Biological Weapons Research Station, Derek Anorak, head of the British Antarctic Survey Team, said, "Guano Bay should offer many interesting, fun-filled days for the towelheads. There are many seabirds to observe and 65,000 Antarctic Fur Seals - plenty of opportunities for nightclubbing!"
Discovered by an expedition led by James Cook in 1775, Bird Island is 3 miles long by a half-mile wide, or half a mile long long by 3 miles wide, depending on the angle you look at it. It is also home to 14,000 pairs of albatrosses (that's 28,000 albatrosses for dimwits) and three sabre-toothed tigers, left over from the Ice Age, to deter any escape attempts.
It is not to be confused with Bird Island in the Seychelles where there are no albatrosses, sabre-toothed tigers or illegally-held, innocent Muslims on trumped-up charges.
