Written by Peter Pillox

Friday, 23 November 2018

image for Donald Trump blames “the world” for the murder of Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi
"My little grey cells told me it was the world that did it."

US President Donald Trump declared that “the world” was to blame for the murder of Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi.

Mr Khashoggi died in Turkey on 2 October 2018. It was widely believed that he was killed by agents of Saudi Arabia’s crown prince Mohammed bin Salman, who flew from Riyadh to Istanbul in a private plane, carrying knives and bone saws.

Detective President Trump, who conducted a meticulous investigation, explained to a packed press conference, in broken English, that the Saudis didn’t do it, after all, and it certainly wasn’t Prince bin Salman, who sells lots of oil to America and is a good guy. It was, in fact, “the world” that killed the journalist.

“The world” had called Mr Khashoggi to the Saudi consulate in Istanbul. The recording of the telephone call produced by the Turkish government is inaccurate, because there are “too few voices”. “The world”’s motive for killing Mr Khashoggi was that he had upset many people with his newspaper articles. Naively delighted at an invitation from people he had never met before, the unsuspecting journalist rushed to the Saudi consulate, not realising that “the world” was hiding behind the door. When "the world" revealed themselves by stepping out from behind the door, Mr Khashoggi, realising that he had been tricked, and that this was not a party, tried to leave the room, but the presence of several billion people in the way stopped him, and he was subsequently murdered by those people.

Trump denounced “the world”, though added that he would still deal with “the world”, since it was good for American jobs.

He added that, although “the world” was responsible for the journalist’s death, Russia and North Korea were “completely innocent”.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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