Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 7 November 2018

image for Jamal Khashoggi's Ghost Hands Itself In To Turkish Police
Now they're gonna get it!

There was a shock in store for a group of Turkish policemen this morning, when the ghost of murdered Saudi Arabian dissident journalist, Jamal Khashoggi, presented itself at the counter of the main Istanbul police station..

The ghost, looking dazed and disoriented, told the constables that it had been wandering around the city in a state of confusion for the last month, and had decided to hand itself in after hearing some men in a bar talking about Mr Khashoggi and his killing.

The sergeant-in-charge took Mr Khashoggi's ghost into a private room, and asked it if it wouldn't mind answering a few questions, and making a statement. It said it wouldn't mind at all, and would be happy to do whatever was required under the circumstances.

The ghost was dressed in a shabby white robe that had seen better days, and was given some fresh clothes to change into, and a light meal and some water, all of which, it said, were unnecessary. It went on to tell police officers present that it remembered being admitted to the Saudi consulate on 2 October, and being asked to go to a room for his "papers to be signed". Once there, he was murdered.

Departing the shell that was Mr Khashoggi, the spirit said it hovered above the scene for a few minutes whilst several other men sawed parts of the body up, and then it drifted up through the ceiling. It remembers seeing Mr Khashoggi's girlfriend, Hatice Cengiz, waiting outside the main gate, and then it was above Istanbul, going ever upwards. At some point, however, it heard a voice telling him to "turn back!", and that it had "unfinished business" with the Saudi Arabian regime. The next thing, it knew, it was wandering around the city, wondering what to do next. Days of this followed, until this morning when it heard Mr Khashoggi's gruesome killing being discussed, and the way the Saudis had tried to lie about it, and manipulate the situation to suit their own ends.

It decided it was time to tell the whole truth about its tale.

Even if Saudi Arabia hasn't.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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