Tuesday, 26 December 2006

image for Drug Dealers File Lawsuit Agains USA, Cambodia, Russia, and Germany
Guns don't kill people, over-the-counter drugs do

Drug dealers have filed an extraordinary slander lawsuit against the USA , Cambodia, Russia, China, Germany, and other countries. These countries have been complaining for years about the deaths caused by drug dealers and now the drug dealers want to set the record straight.

A spokesman for the group claims that Hitler was responsible for roughly 50 million deaths, Stalin - 100 million, and millions more have been killed by Cambodia, China and the United States over the past 200 years. He went on to say that drug dealers usually only kill in self defense whereas big governments seem to kill in an almost arbitrary fashion. Without all of those weapons of mass destruction it is not easy for the drug dealers to keep up with the big numbers that governments are able to generate. The drug dealer's spokesman also mentioned that the use of poison gas, chemical, biological, and radiological weapons by big governments was despicable.

The spokesman also pointed out that legal prescription and non-prescription over-the-counter drugs kill more Americans in one year than have ever been killed by drug dealers. Legal alcohol and tobacco use also have caused many more deaths and these are often subsidized by governments. The spokesman said that drug cartels can not afford to have nations legalize illicit drugs because this would put his group out of business within 2 years.

The drug cartel's representative pointed out that every other TV commercial seems to suggest that there is a chemical solution for all that ails us - from over active children to insomnia to virility to restless legs and suggested that there is much hypocrisy injected into the anti-drug witch hunts and hysteria sweeping the planet.

When asked how much money he would seek in damages if his group won he said its not the money that matters but the principle of the whole thing.

He added that he hopes that if his group wins the lawsuit that they would be allowed to give the money to a children's charity. He said that years ago a pot dealer's association in Gainesville, Florida had had their large monetary donation to a children's charity refused by the myopic group once they found out where the money had come from.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Drugs

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