Duracell Bunny sacked after testing positive for steroids

Written by tizmine

Thursday, 21 December 2006

image for Duracell Bunny sacked after testing positive for steroids
Imagine getting a few cold double A's shoved up your bum every few days

A spokeswoman from Duracell, today confirmed that the company has sacked the Duracell Bunny after testing positive for steroids and other controlled substances on the film set of their latest commercial.

Speaking from their London office, Head of UK operations spokeswoman Gail Jefferson stated, "It is with deep regret that I must announce, we have today terminated our contract with Mr Bunny. Mr Bunny had been a loyal servant to Duracell over the last twenty odd years but with his alcoholism, drug abuse and violent outbursts to his colleagues, we just could not tolerate him anymore."

Jefferson went on to say, "We had suspected that he had been taking controlled substances for some time now. Although he strongly denied it, we decided to have him drugs tested and our suspicions were confirmed when he tested positive for steroids and various other class A drugs. We confronted him and he reacted aggressively with verbal obscenities and giving us the middle finger. His contract was duly terminated and after we caught the little bugger, he was evicted from the premises."

Bunny, real name "Fluffy Fud", shot to fame in the 80's appearing as the annoying rabbit in the famous Duracell adverts, that went on and on and on, after being spotted playing an extra on the film set of "Watership Down". Bunny, one time rumoured to be caught in a three in a bed romp with Angela Jolie and The Rampant Rabbit, counted Tony Blair and Steven Spielberg amongst his friends.

When traced back to his London apartment, apparently after an all day drinking session, Bunny went on the record by stating, "It's not all my fault I have an addiction. Duracell overworked me over the last few years and I turned to steroids just to keep up with the other ordinary bunnies. I was depressed, and a bit of coke now again helped me make it through the day."

He went on to explain, "I was getting abused! You know onetime when I was filming that advert about the running race, my trainer stuck in my batteries in back to front and when the starting pistol went off, a 10 ft flame shot out my arse and I did the 100 meters in under three seconds. I couldn't sit down for a month. You imagine getting a few cold double A's shoved up your bum every few days? No wonder I'm f**king depressed."

Duracell later confirmed that it has signed Chris Evans to star in their new commercials.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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