Fat Bastard Also Had Halitosis

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 6 August 2018

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Bathtime for Angelina!

An obese woman who must have weighed around 400lbs also had breath so foul-smelling that many people talking to her would insist upon her observing a buffer, or 'exclusion zone' for their own protection.

Angelina Jung, around 38, was a supervisor in the print studio of a global telecommunications company in the West Midlands in 2005.

She was 'very keen' on eating chocolate, but being not only morbidly obese, but also criminally so, this wasn't particularly helpful in her quest to lose a few pounds.

One day, Jung brought a cake to the office, for staff - and herself - to consume. It was a chocolate cake, the ingredients of which included 27 Mars Bars, and 6 bars of Cadbury's Dairy Milk chocolate, though why there was a mixture of the two, nobody neither knew, nor dared to ask. It was rich; one man said he felt he was going to "pass out" after inhaling the fumes.

Angelina was the nearest thing to a human balloon you are ever likely to see. When she walked down the office, her 'cheap fucker' crimplene trousers alerted everyone to her impending arrival by 'brushing together' at the thigh, making a sound that, once heard, could never be forgotten.

As well as her weight problem, her breath stank. One lady, a colleague who didn't like her personality either, told Mrs Jung that her breath smelt so badly, it seemed as if somebody had shit in her mouth, and made her swallow it. That went down well.

In addition to the above, Jung spoke with a weedy, whiney Birmingham accent that is disliked by non-Brummies at the best of times, but when it was heard emerging from the chocolate-coated throat of a bespectacled hippopotamus, was kind of unbearable.

She was not a nice person. And, most likely, still isn't.

Remember where you are...

* The above is a work of fiction.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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