Written by Aspartame Boy

Sunday, 24 December 2017

image for The new Asspull Watch deliberately makes you late
Dr. Evilday Uckersay

Cupertino CA - Spokesperson Evilday Uckersay, of Asspull Computer, announced to a handful of reporters, assembled in a huge auditorium, that the new Asspull Watch is deliberately designed to slow you down and make you late after one year of use.

He claimed that it will increase sales of Asspull Watches since customers are bound to think the watch just needs to be replaced with the latest style based on ever smaller and more fragile semiconductor technologies.

He also demonstrated he could totally fry the watch by rubbing his feet on the carpet and touching it to a water pipe. The next generation of semiconductors he claimed, to be based on one half atomic diameter feature size, will make the watch so fragile a paraplegic would zap it in a week.

He closed the press conference by reminding that Asspull is hiring engineers and that a major perk at Asspull is all the free aspartame soda you can drink.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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