Apple Announces iPhone For Pets

Written by XRhonda Speaks

Monday, 10 October 2016

image for Apple Announces iPhone For Pets
Fluffyboots waits her turn as Patches racks up a high score on Pokemon Go for Pets.

As the market for iPhones becomes saturated, Apple is attempting to tap into another niche market by rolling out reinforced iPhones and iPads for pets.

Mike Bursa of team Apple gave a demo and talk at an unveiling party in Palo Alto, CA. Only a few dozen select customers and reporters were invited to the event at upscale restaurant Jonah Bodine's

"People have long used TV and now handheld screens to entertain their pets, so we've made a product tailored to them," Bursa says while holding up an iPad. "These new devices, or IPPs for short, run on Apple's standard operating systems, and are preloaded with game apps for pets. These are manufactured to military standards as far as waterproofing and shock resistance, so people are going to want these for themselves too."

For effect Bursa drops the iPad on the floor saying, "Oops, I didn't break it," then goes on.

"Equally as important as water and shock resistance is the tough pet resistant screen. The screen will resist scratches from pet claws and teeth but not hard chewing. For larger dogs and puppies that chew, we recommend the IPP Wall Mount as a great option to keep it from being destroyed."

Bursa spends little time talking about the price--and at $1,200 a pop for the iPhone for Pets you definitely don't want your dog to destroy it--and hold on to your wallet--the iPad for Pets is $1,500. Even with the high price tags, presales have been surprisingly strong with Apple reporting orders for over 100,000 of the high-end pet toys.

Business analyst Echo Parfitt says Apple is getting around restrictions on marketing certain military grade hardware to consumers.

"Apple has cleverly marketed these high-end mobile devices to pets--their contract with the pentagon specifically states that some of the technology cannot be used for non-military personnel, so they've sidestepped the issue by marketing these military grade devices for pet use and so far there have been no repercussions for Apple."

Apple stock was again on the rise soon after the official announcement of the iPhone and iPad for pets.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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