Mr Lawrence Ripple (Name not changed for legal reasons; this story is just so ridiculous it's true!) from Kansas, USA, decided to rob a local bank; not because he was destitute, bankrupt or just wanted to escape Trump bullshit, no!
He robbed the bank because his missus threatened him with a roller-pin bashing in the morning and told him, "If you come home tonight darling I'll set the Dobermann on ya and he'll bite your balls off you woozy!"
Lawrence decided the best thing to do would be to take his grandson's plastic gun, go to a bank where a police office is situated just around the corner, demand some dosh and wait until the "Old Bill" (For our american cousins; "Old Bill" means those racist chaps dressed in blue who love arresting those who are not white Caucasian and giving them a thumping whilst doing it!) arrives, which he did!
Poor Mr Ripple now faces 20 years hard labour in prison. Fortunately, his rear end is not quite what it used to be so he'll have no problems during shower time and even if; "prison sex must be better than bonking with the old dragon in-doors." He thought. (But that's a different subject)!
His wife attempted to visit poor Lawrence in jail, but was refused entry unless she left her rolling-pin at the gate! She refused, kicked two prison officers in the goolies (cojones in hispanic English) and was also arrested. She also faces 10 years hard-labour in a local women's prison and during sentencing Mrs Ripple told the judge to "fuck off" and the judge offered Mr. Lawrence his utmost sympathy!