New York free-lance photographer Peter Parker has been exposed as the Amazing Spider Man! The shocking revelation came about after Mr. Parker was arrested for hurling his now deceased boss, J. Jonah Jameson, out one of the windows of the Daily Bugle. (In fact, it was a top floor window!)
According to the tearfully regretful Mr. Parker (per NYPD sources) he lost his cool due to his latest assignment: Photographing Kim Kardashian's ass on the red carpet for the 12th Annual PHAT Awards gala.
Mr. Parker, it seems, had long expressed to Mr. Jameson his desire to grow as a Photographer, to strive to become a modern day Ansel Adams, or even an Annie Leibovitz.
"Snapping shots of reality stars' asses," bemoaned the fallen hero, "or trying to catch up-the-skirt glimpses of unaware celebs, was just not doing it for me, professionally."
Apparently, when he broached this with Mr. Jameson, an argument broke out -- or at least a one-sided argument till he snapped, claimed Parker.
"Mr. Jameson yelled at me, said if it wasn't for his generosity, I'd have to do real work. He also questioned my sexuality, wondering out loud what I had against female anatomy."
It was then, spelled out in a written confession, Mr. Parker lost control. He zapped Mr. Jameson's eyes with synthetic spider webs (the first clue that Mr. Parker led a double life), picked the terrified editor up with one hand, and with the other he then shoved Mr. Jameson's framed Pulitzer prize, frame and all, up said Mr. Jameson's ass. Lastly, he hurled the screaming victim out the window to his death. (The rectum damage to Mr. Jameson was the second giveaway that his demise was at the hands of an assailant with super strength.)
The final clue to unmasking the hapless Parker was when the normally sure-footed crime fighter lost his four-limbed grip while scaling down the side of the Daily Bugle. Mr. Parker plummeted 11 stories, landing outside a ground floor donut shop, where the addled killer was soon set upon by hordes of uniformed cops.
Mr. Parker is being represented by Foggy Nelson's self-hating younger brother. The one with a different vowel in his first name.