Written by Paul Blake

Monday, 7 November 2016

image for Mother Nature Picketing God Outside Pearly Gates Over Labor Rights
This gate is locked at all times. The consequences are quite severe.

Pearly Gates, Heaven - Mother Nature tips back her raggedy leaf-crown in front of God's famous gates, refusing to go to arbitration over their on-going dispute regarding her wage package. The wand-waving Disastress has been very vocal over the last several years, saying that she is over-worked and under-paid.

Today, she waves a picket sign instead of a wand, reading, 'Just Tellin' It Like It Is!' which has become somewhat of a catch phrase for other workers who feel that they understand her plight. In the other hand she holds a bullhorn, using it frequently, to scream through the gates at her boss.

Several people approaching have turned back, and gone the way they came from. But many have stayed to listen to her words (and because they have no place else to go.) Many of whom urge her on. "For too long," she yells to the news cameras, "I been stressed out by my over-bearing boss. He'll barge into my office anytime he goddamn pleases and yell, 'Hey, Hurricane! Caribbean! Now!' Well, fuck that shit! Its my lunch break, asshole! I been making disasters at his every whim like a crazy person! And this shit was never in my contract. God help me if he wakes up cranky... I mean, don't bother. Let me tell you, he don't know shit about making a good wildfire, let alone how tiring it is to just be whipping up a tornado in Oklahoma with one hand, and a typhoon in India with the other. I mean, can you imagine? And I ain't even seen a damn wage raise that keeps up with the cost of living. I haven't bought a new velvet gown in so long. And don't tell me to look in the thrift stores, they don't never have anything in my size. This shit needs to be hand-woven people. That costs money!

So it appears Mother Nature is standing firm here on the picket line, saying she will not even make rain for the drought stricken African areas that so desperately need it. A political tact which is drawing some critics of its own. The U.N. is furious at her, looking up at the sky and pleading for rain on a daily basis. And there is a quiet buzz in the crowd that she is taking things too far.

"I don't give a goddamn shit, all right! Mama needs her some major-medical insurance before those people can fill their leaky little buckets up at the river side, Ok!" She yells out. Hey! California! Ya might wanna stop washing your cars!

Sources close to the universally-known lawyer, Glorius Allred, say that the two have met, and that this case is likely heading to the Supreme-Supreme Court, but won't be heard until well after Venus has been replaced on the bench. Some speculating that Ruth Vader Ginsberg might be up for the nomination, which most say, would likely have a better outcome for Mother Nature.

"Enjoy the mild winter, everybody!" She parted with to Al Roker, into the NBC camera, heading off for her mid-morning coffee and bran muffin break... (and dump the size of Texas!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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