The Up-Side of Outsourcing

Funny story written by User 10

Tuesday, 31 May 2016

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Setting the new Standard

Globalization and the automation and outsourcing of jobs has caused US unemployment to rise. Since NAFTA was signed, the Glass-Steigal act was repealed and the youth of America have become apathetic little narcissists who deserve everything just handed to them the American economy has flourished under a new set of standards. The new LTBES (lower the Bar Economic Standard) standards have made successful people out of below average Americans.

Out of necessity, the millennial workforce is shifting to become more successful through the pursuit of mediocrity. One example of this is that, according to research done by my company watching the news and studying trends on facebook, 39 percent of young millennials say they are "happy to live at home with mom and dad until somebody discovers their unknown talents." This is up from 2 percent in 1970, 6 percent in 1986, 8 percent in 1994, and 9 percent in 2002. Simply changing views of what success is and isn't has increased success from what wasn't to what is making more millennial Americans successful.

Another demographic that has seen success rates rise under the new economic standard is Entrepreneurs. Entrepreneurs of all ages have become more successful by simply closing their businesses and getting part time jobs in the service industry. Many have opted for early retirement and downsizing. The new standards have affected three out of four American entrepreneurs and increased their success rates.

At the center of this new success rate is the American education system. The United States Department of Education has ensured that all American students are prepared to meet the new standards of success. The DoE goals of having every student prepared for jobs that do not exist by making them think flexibly, creatively and lowering the standards to match the new economic standards has resulted in a higher graduation rate and success rate after educating. This has increased the success rate dramatically among their peers who are looking for jobs in saturated markets like finance and law.

It's difficult for high schools, colleges and the government to play a major role in increasing success rates among today's Americans. There are literally hundreds of thousands of apathetic and self-descriptive achievers who were lost in the system of responsibility and accountability that have been found and made successful under the new standards our gubment in the United States has worked so hard to establish and implement.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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