Fiji - (Ass Mess): Peter Foster, the convicted fraudster who helped UK Prime Monster's wife Cherie Blair to invest in knock-down buy-to-lets and pocketed a whacking big estate agent's commission in 2002, is still under house arrest on fraud charges in Fiji, where his threats to 'spill the beans on the Blairs' resulted in a military coup d'etat of the tiny Pacific island state.
Last month Foster told the island's senior military chief Commander Frank Bananarama that he had proof that Tony Blair had sold off the Fijian Island to Chelsea Football Club's Roman Abramovich, to pay off some of the Labour Party's debts after the loans-for-peerages scandal threatened to bankrupt them.
Fiji has been part of the Commonwealth for decades as an autonomous member. But when David Blunkett was Home Secretary, he managed to persuade the Prime Monster that he had found the Head Lease to all Fijian real estate holdings and advised Blair that, under the Good Friday IRA Peace Initiative, as PM he had the Royal Prerogative to do with it as he chose. Including raise a mortgage.
Legal documents authenticated by the Attorney General had borne witness testimony signatures in the name of one 'P. Foster Esq' - a slimming miracle pill salesman and former partner to No 10 Downing Street lifestyle guru Carole Caplin. So the deal was done.
When Foster went to the island to collect his share of the whack, officials arrested him on bounced cheques charges after a tip-off from Interpol.
Lengthy plea-bargaining resulted in house arrest pending judicial hearings.
But that was not the end of the saga.
Fijian military top brass were so outraged by the Foster story that they threatened to break off all diplomatic relations with the UK and the rest of the Commonwealth unless they got their own percentage rake off from the Abramovich deal.
In the end no one got their money because one of the financial middle-men, a former Russian spook by the name of Litvinenko, screwed up the Swiss banking transaction and ended up 'swimming with the fishes' in a pool of radioactive toxins.
Tonight Fiji is under martial law and Commander Bananarama remains in charge of the newly formed military government.
And as the Met's crack team of Polonium 210 investigators head off to Russia to arrest the Moscow Poisoner, the UK's National Poisons Unit is reported to be conducting secret radioactivity tests for the lethal toxin on Ms Caplin herself, who remains under sedation at the Heather Mills Macrobiotic Chilled-Out Spa in Bognor Regis.
Expect more news tomorrow.
