WakiLeaks Gets An Inside Look At Assad's Meeting With Putin

Written by rfreed

Friday, 30 October 2015

image for WakiLeaks Gets An Inside Look At Assad's Meeting With Putin

The famed web expose site WakiLeaks scored a mammoth coup this week with its hidden camera surveillance of the Assad/Putin meeting in Moscow. The leader of Syria and the President of Russia were presumably meeting to discuss their mutual concerns about the rebellion in Syria. The hidden tape revealed much more than that.

The following is a direct transcript of the meeting of the two dictators translated into English:

Assad, and his body guards enter into the palace where President Putin meets his international guests. Putin comes into the camera view from the opposite side. The two men shake hands warmly but formally and exchange pleasantries. It seems that Assad can speak fluent Russian. Putin ushers them into a lounge where they will sit and talk.

The second hidden camera takes over from here:
Assad and Putin talk lightly about the plane trip and Assad's impression of modern day Moscow.
As soon as wine and a small luncheon are served Assad and Putin surprisingly dismiss their guards.
When they are gone Assad and Putin look at each other, smile conspiratorially and start laughing out loud.

Putin: "It is just amazing, isn't it!" he laughs jollily.

Assad: "I couldn't believe it! I would never have taken them to be such dolts!"

Putin: "It is just like an old Russian saying, "You can make a fool a King and he will quickly learn the mannerisms but never the wisdom for the job."

Assad: (Laughing) "That is so true!"

Putin: "The dolts believed me when I said I would only bomb ISIS targets. Of course I first bombed the U.S. backed rebels and then pretended to be ignorant of the difference when they realized what was going on. Now they don't know what to do. We are in there already with our planes and pouring in new Russian troops everyday. The Europeans and the Americans are too afraid to do anything about it. This will be like Crimea all over again!" (He laughs loudly).

Assad looks shocked for a moment.

Putin sees this and quickly adds, while clapping his colleague on the shoulder: "But don't worry, my friend! Syria will still be yours."

Reassured, Assad leaned back and smiled. "I never would have believed that the West was so weak. They just bend over at the least resistance."

Putin smiled widely. "Just look what happened in eastern Ukraine. We just sent in our troops to take over as much territory as possible. When we are accused of illegally putting Russian soldiers on foreign soil, we just stand back and act innocent and say the Europeans are imagining things. They won't really do a thing about it. Look, we even shoot down a Dutch airliner and get away with it! Does it get any better than that?"

Assad laughs and says "Same thing with us. We create mass murder in every way shape and form possible and they still don't have the balls to come after me directly. Now, with your help, we are bombing those who oppose me and, instead of fighting me back, they are all running to Europe....."

Putin finished his statement "...and are driving them to ruin! It is so wonderful! With the one stroke of us bombing those who we do not want we not only cleanse Syria but handicap all of Europe with their hungry mouths. Now the fool Germans are insisting that the U.S. take in Syrians too. We can easily send a few closet terrorists in with them to raise hell in the good old U.S.A.."

"The only thing these Westerners ever have the balls to do is to put sanctions on us. What wimps!'

"How are you holding up under them?" asked Assad.

"Oh, me? Do you think these sanctions ever touch me personally? No way! The Russian people, yes, they are suffering, but they are just cattle to be used any way. You know how that goes." (Assad shakes his head yes) "Believe me, I have my stockpile of caviar and champagne well stocked in my private cellars. And I have my contacts for anything I want from flat screen mega televisions to whores dressed up like Minnie Mouse."

"Same here." states Assad. "Except I have my prostitutes done up like Betty Boop!"

They both laugh uproariously.

"Yes, going hungry is for the little people." says Putin.

"Or the dead ones!" snorts Assad. They both laugh uproariously.

"How is your campaign to harass all the NATO countries going?" asked Assad.

"Oh, quite well! We send the occasional military jets just over the border of England, Sweden or Turkey, they scramble a few of their own jets to confront them and we simply fly back home pretending like we made a mistake. Of course it is all over the Western press making all their people nervous and always begging that their Air Force not react to ours. I love these pacifist nations! They are so much fun to screw with!"

"Same here," answered Assad "I barrel bomb whole neighborhoods, use chemical weapons, torture, kill whoever I want with impunity. And now, with your help (he lays a hand on Putin's shoulder) I add a whole new dimension to that. Now your planes can bomb them to Hell. Thank you very much!"

"No problem!" Putin responded. "Glad to do it. Of course it helps us keep our only Mediterranean port open, but it is always a blast to irritate the Westerners any time I can. Have you ever thought of coming down and visit my dacha in Crimea? Take a little break from all the action?"

"Sure! That would be great. All this constant bloodshed does wear me down at times. "

"I know what you mean. It can be draining at times."

"So what are your envisionments for the future?" asks Assad.

Putin has an answer at the ready. "Oh I will continue on messing with the EU and America. I'll see how their response is to my actions in Syria, then maybe I'll try a couple more land grabs. I always wanted an ice-free port in northern Norway for instance. Another one on an island in the Arabian Sea wouldn't be bad either. Hell, I might even go for taking over Guantamo Bay would be cool too! Imagine the headaches I could give the new U.S. President with a base only 90 miles from Florida! How about you?"

Assad hesitated for moment, then said "Oh, nothing so big as your dreams. But, with your support with air cover, why, I wouldn't mind finally taking over Lebanon. Except for U.S. Meddling that should have been mine long ago." Assad gets dreamy for a moment. "Wouldn't it be nice if I could knock over Jordan? That would be a real prize. Then I could barrelbomb all those refugee camps full with the traitor scum from here. I could even start to hassle Israel the way I always have Lebanon!"

"It's always nice to have dreams, isn't it, Assad?" says Putin with a sinister smile.

'Indeed it is, my friend." says Assad. "Indeed it is!"

"No problem!" Putin responded. "Glad to do it. Of course it helps us keep our only Mediterranean port open, but it is always a blast to irritate the Westerners any time I can. Have you ever thought of coming down and visit my dacha in Crimea? Take a little break from all the action?"

"Sure! That would be great. All this constant bloodshed does wear me down at times. "

"I know what you mean. It can be draining at times."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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