Saying goodbye to the euro, and not wanting to reintroduce the dreaded drachma, Greece has named its new currency the "big gyro."
Stefan Poopadoopalot, spokesman for what's left of the government in Athens, outlined exactly what goes into a big gyro: "Eats a little beat of dis and dat. One hundred kalamatas equals one beeg gyro. A kalamata is a penny, see? Ten baklavas equals a beeg gyro. Ten cent, dime, baklava. Our baklava and kalamata coins will be cardboard or trash plastic pieces from the Mediterranean and beyond.
We have many super ideas for pictures on our worthless new paper gyros. Jackie Onassis on a giant yacht. George Papandreou playing with puppets. A large souvlaki cooking in the Cretan sun. Aristotle sucking his thumb and thinking hard."
Nicholas Hippocritapottamus, Interim Minister of Economic Reredevelopment, admitted that the Greek road ahead could be more hopeless than usual: "We produce almost nothing. Even our olive and ouzo industries have been struggling. It's hard to make tzatziki without meat. At the very least, our new currency should be amusing. Maybe we can make our new big gyro out of edible sawdust? Then we can maybe sell our new big gyros for more than their real value. Make a profit out of almost nothing, and cut into our unpayable massive Greek debt. Everyone anywhere could roll beans and rice, or whatever, in our new edible money. It might even solve the world's hunger problems."
