Secretary Kerry proposes his own resignation to start new how-to-man-up school

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Thursday, 29 May 2014

image for Secretary Kerry proposes his own resignation to start new how-to-man-up school
Mr. Kerry's school will require rigorous testing, as well as physical endurance skills

A spokesperson for White House Press Secretary Jay Carney has denied Mr. Kerry is seeking permission to resign and start a new school emphasizing "how to man up."

But this rumor has persisted since Mr. Kerry insisted on CBS news that Edward Snowden should "man up" and return home to face trial for revealing government secrets.

Mr. Kerry has unique experience in this field since serving in Vietnam and criticizing that war to Congress many years ago.

More recently he has attuned to State Department protocols and become known for a passionate, if blunt, manner of supporting government positions.

According to Mr. Carney's Press Secretary there is no problem sufficiently unmasked for President Obama to be unhappy with the current disposition of Mr. Kerry and the State Department.

However, sources closer to the Kerry household indicate Mr. Kerry is seriously considering a new career as schoolmaster in how to "man up," dedicated to any person thinking about blowing the whistle on the government.

A sampling of courses at Mr. Kerry's upcoming school:

*one on one tutorial in managing facial expressions, speaking, and temper in hostile interviews with NBC, FOX news, CNN, and The New York Times;

*seminar on how to move around town on your way to and from trial proceedings to avoid skulking and cringing in taxi cabs due to threats on your life emanating from US congressional members and conservative pundits;

*the how to hold your thoughts on pain and revenge tutorial (from solitary confinement), and nourish them toward later belligerence when the opportunity arises (with special input from Senator McCain);

*the Manning man up endurance trials semester, as with confinement for three years in delay of trial while kept in a small cell, plus stripped naked nightly with all night loud music occasional;

*the how to endure a 35 year prison sentence special study for revealing questionable government procedures especially when you change gender but are kept in a male prison anyway--i.e. the manning up the woman in you program (particularly recommended for female enrollees);

*the how to stay calm under force feeding procedures colloquium should you wish to fast or simply stop eating in a situation where you have been cleared for release but held for five years anyway;

*the developing breath holding capacity seminars toward ten and fifteen minutes without breathing in case of waterboarding, which may or may not be necessary in a US judicial system, but could build outstanding man up confidence for whatever they throw at you down the line.

According to the source Mr. Kerry's graduation ceremonies would include the President as commencement speaker, plus fly over and 21 gun salute.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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