Written by erikals1

Friday, 21 March 2014

The Queensland Police today announced the creation of a new division that would handle the growing problem of 'mall rats' otherwise known as 'twelvies' in Australia.

Constable Bob Smith, 19, will head the squad and be responsible for its day-to-day activities, including regular patrols and giving out move-on notices to twelvies suspected of illegal behaviour, including making excessive noise and 'making out' in public places.

'If we have to arrest a few mall rats in the course of our duties,' Constable Bob Smith says, 'it is inevitable that some will choose to disobey, and they are the ones that will suffer the most.'

New laws introduced by Parliament and signed into law state that:

  • Mall rats must leave a mall if directed to by police
  • Mall rats are banned from returning to any place they have been banned from for 24 hours
  • Breaches of this law can result in prison terms of up to two years, or a fine of $500, or both

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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