Mexican drug lord escapes death twice; maybe the third time will be the charm

Written by Gee Pee

Tuesday, 11 March 2014

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO -- Mexican Drug lord Nazario Moreno was killed again on Sunday, when federal forces shot him during a firefight. It was the second time since 2010 that the bandito was killed by authorities.

"He is persistent for a dead man," a government spokesman said, "I'll give him that."

Lord of Michoacan, a state in western Mexico that both Moreno and the Mexican government claim, Moreno is known locally, by "his people," as El Zombi (The Zombie), and his gang is called Los Muertos Vivientes (The Walking Dead).

"For many years, both dead and alive, El Zombi has terrorized the people of Michoacan," the federales admit.

After his death in 2010, his body was never found, and, off the record, Mexican police believe that he was spirited away by his men and, after a voodoo ritual was performed, restored to life.

A rival drug gang, Los Vampiros (The Vampires) tracked Moreno down and reported his location to the federal police, who had offered a reward for the bandito, whether he was "dead or alive."

This time, Moreno's corpse was found, near Tumbiscatio, and identified by fingerprints.

Following an autopsy, Mexican authorities planned to burn the drug lord's body to prevent him from again returning from the dead. However, his corpse has since disappeared, despite the posting of guards, and El Zombi has reportedly been seen back in Michocan, among the loyal members of Los Muertos Vivientes.

"It looks as if we must kill him yet again," the federales confessed.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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