CEOs from 90 worst polluting companies on lung support at Prince Bandar Resort

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Thursday, 21 November 2013

image for CEOs from 90 worst polluting companies on lung support at Prince Bandar Resort
Cigar smoking contests were also featured round the clock

Besides flooding the current climate talks in Poland with logos and lobbyists, representatives of corporate polluters from across the globe met recently for a special celebration.

These CEO's also happen to be on the list of a recent study showing the 90 most culpable companies responsible for climate damage.

The study finds problems with Chevron, Exxon, BP, Royal Dutch Shell, British Coal Corp, Peabody Energy, and BHP Billton. Saudi Arabia's Saudi Aramco, Russia's Gazprom, and Norway's Statoil are also on the list.

Meeting in a non-disclosed combination casino-resort, rumored to have been built by Saudi Arabia's Prince Bandar, representatives for these companies caroused for several days "in the spirit of camaraderie," according to a spokesperson for the resort.

This celebration was of the highest zest and full of glitter.

Champagne overflowed in foamy cascades, jewelry and fur flashed, CEO's arrived at resort gates in a splendid array of Mercedes Benz, Aston Martin, and Rolls Royce automobiles.

A huge banner was hung across the entrance to the resort in giant red letters, "Rising seas? Please. We don't have time for that."

Some CEO's ventured to speak in an auditorium labeled "Bandar Central" and these events were well attended.

Most attending, however, hovered at the refreshment tables chatting to one side while speakers delivered on the theme: "It's not our fault. We didn't invent oil."

Another popular topic was "A willing suspension of belief in climate change" subtitled "The Almighty Buck stops right here!"

However, and, according to the resort spokesperson through no fault of the resort itself, a problem developed over the abundance of the Padron Serie and Cohiba Splendido cigars, which lay around in abundance at the event.

Plates of the cigars in fashionably shaped mounds, sometimes worth ten thousand dollars per plate, were being consumed eagerly.

According to eyewitness reports even females were smoking these cigars, so that air pollution gained and the Prince Bandar Air Conditioners Especiale struggled.

However, the merrymaking was so lively and distracting that not only the speakers were being ignored but air quality also.

Someone, then--but who is not clear according to the resort spokesperson--screamed, "They got rising seas? Hell, man, I can't breathe."

But this commentary appeared to be seen as a way to rebel against all the climate change protest and the negative publicity for these 90 most responsible companies.

A swaying mass of possibly inebriated persons began chanting-

Rising seas will never please
And we don't give a damn
Pass that plate I'll celebrate
And wheeze so what I'll wheeze!

Air quality at the resort had turned from purple to black and descending which only seemed to add to the hilarity of the celebration.

Voices called out--

"It's like The Titanic!"

"It's On the Beach!"

"It's total madness!"

But in due time ambulances were summoned arriving at resort gates in wailing haste. Recusitation and artificial lung support teams rushed to the scene.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more