Vatican: New Communion Wafers To Contain 3 More Grams Of Whole Grain

Funny story written by Bushman09

Monday, 12 August 2013

image for Vatican: New Communion Wafers To Contain 3 More Grams Of Whole Grain

VATICAN CITY-Catholics around the world will enjoy more whole grain in their communion wafers come this fall. Today the Vatican announced that they've re-formulated their recipe for their Eucharistic hosts to include a whopping 3 more grams of whole grain than the current version. "We're all trying to be a little more healthy these days," said a Vatican spokesperson. "And whole grain is all the rage. We've seen it catch on with Keebler, Nabisco, and General Mills, so why not the Vatican?"

According to a high ranking cardinal, who asked to remain anonymous, the new whole wheat wafers tested well with both Catholic and non-Catholic participants in blind taste tests. "They loved them," said the cardinal, "The new wafers not only tasted better, and are healthier, but still stuck to the roof of the mouth like the old version."

By cannon law, Catholic communion wafers can contain only two basic ingredients: wheat flour and water, so how the Church was able to pack in 3 more grams of whole grain in each serving is a mystery. "Some things simply defy explanation," said the unnamed cardinal." Feeding the multitudes...the wedding at Cana....all unexplainable. And now communion with more whole grain. Truly a miracle."

Gleutin-free wafers will still be available for Catholics suffering from Caelic disease, but the move is being embraced around the globe. "We're always watching the glycemic index of everything we eat down here, " said a Catholic in Mexico City, about to enter St. Paul's Cathedral," It's good to know you can go to church, pray a little, be forgiven of your sins, and still not wreck your diet."

Today the Vatican also announced plans on creating a task force aimed at reducing sulfites in it's wines served at the altar. The new wafers are set to be circulated worldwide on the first Sunday in October.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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