Night of the long very long winds of change

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Friday, 9 August 2013

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According to expert insiders who absolutely insist "no names please," Mr. Obama and Mr. Putin have once again met at Club Mephistopheles in Hong Kong.

This meeting was arranged following the urgent advice of an international committee of leaders, including Ms. Merkel, Mr. Hollande, Mr. Cameron, plus Mr. Graham, Ms. Pelosi, and Mr. McCain of the US.

Their view was then echoed by previous leaders such as Mr. Blair, Mr. Berlusconi, and Mr. Dominique Strauss-Kahn that US-Russia relations are "precipitous" and "please bear in mind consequences on world markets."

Private quarters at Club Mephistopheles for precisely such diplomatic meetings are sumptuous, with separate kitchen, study areas, sofas, and twin bunks in an adjoining bedroom.

Obviously world leaders had encouraged the meeting as a way to thaw relations between the two leaders, so, to put them into a good mood, music, dancing, and feasting preceded their retiring to privacy.

Unfortunately, during this opening phase, observers saw no sign of thaw--neither man smiled even once--but hoped for some breakthrough when the men went upstairs to their private quarters for further one on one negotiating.

It was observed that the two leaders promptly broke off all speaking when a wait-person entered their quarters with nourishment.

What passed from that point during the next twelve to fourteen hours (including a night of sleeping in their respective bunks) is somewhat available, although mostly classified.

Mr. Obama won the coin toss and achieved the upper bunk. However, that lucky stroke turned out to have some disadvantages.

"Well," Mr. Obama said to reporters on emerging from this unique conference with Mr. Putin the following morning, "as you know, hot air rises."

This mysterious comment accompanied some additional astonishing changes in the men's behavior. They left their quarters chuckling together, and Mr. Putin was observed tickling Mr. Obama in the ribs.

In addressing reporters Mr. Putin stated that "he would not be led by the nose" by Mr. Obama--whereupon Mr. Obama immediately used two fingers to seize Mr. Putin by the nose and drag him several steps across the room!

Mr. Putin responded with a huge roar of laughter and, "You got that idea from Dostoevsky, didn't you?"

He then exercised a judo hold in which Mr. Obama went prone and helpless in the Russian president's arms--but Mr. Obama maintained his smile.

Their behavior seemed to herald some breakthrough personally as well as toward better international relations and policies.

Then Mr. Obama turned frowning and serious.

"There is a question of wind," he said.

The room full of reporters and photographers went deadly silent.

The US President continued. "There's downwind and upwind, and in my case, in the top bunk, unfortunately, I was recipient of upwind."

Came several moments of people looking at each other, Obama still very serious while Mr. Putin gazed at the floor.

At last a reporter spoke: "You mean diet had something to do with--"

"All that feasting last night led Mr. Putin to some unfortunate expostulations, in which case delicacy requires I speak lightly," said Mr. Obama.

"Ohhh, by Jesus! You mean he was farting all night!!?"

Whoever made this statement is not known (although an investigation is pending) but it promoted more hilarity in Hong Kong than since Mr. Snowden arrived last June.

Nevertheless, the two leaders embraced, and the world rejoiced. Also, Mr. Ban Ki-moon, Secretary-General of the UN, announced triumphantly:

"It is not often we have such a breakthrough in world relations. I believe such a moment indicates the winds of change in a positive direction!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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