Forget Global Warming, Meteors. US Congress Biggest Threat to Planet

Written by Dontquotemenews

Thursday, 21 February 2013

BRUSSELS, BELGIUM. A report published by the Brussels, Belgium-based International Union of Really Worried Scientists calculates the destructive power of the US Congress as equivalent to an eight-mile wide meteor hitting Earth.

The report warns that if measures aren't taken to stop the political body which is on a collision course, civilization as we know it could be obliterated.

"This is not hyperbole. If we don't do something then we will leave a terrible legacy for our children and grandchildren," said Professor Luke Skyrunner, Director of the scientific organization.

According to the report, there is a very limited window in which to act before Congressional actions reach their maximum destructive force.

The scientists suggest a number of possible strategies. The US Congress could be shunted into an orbit high above the Earth that would take it into deep space. "This is the preferred option because it is the cleanest and there is no way that they would find their way back," explains Skyrunner.

Another possibility is to break it up into small legislative pieces that will inflict much less damage. But this option is more complicated since the legislature's movements are so erratic and extreme.

"The clock is ticking. If the dinosaurs were alive today they would have a better chance surviving a giant meteor strike than the US Congress," Skyrunner said.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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