Republicans Threaten to Shut down the Government and Replace NFL Football with Shuffleboard

Written by mikewadestr

Tuesday, 15 January 2013

image for Republicans Threaten to Shut down the Government and Replace NFL Football with Shuffleboard
Pull my fingers.

Like a crazed lumberjack on a 10 day drunken spree holding a axe to a felled tree and threatening to chop off its branches if he doesn't get what he desires, the Republicans of the US Congress have told President Obama they will not only shut down the US Government but replace NFL football with shuffleboard if he does not concede to their debt cellar demands.

The entire country was appalled by the threat, except for the city of Detroit who hasn't had a professional football team since Henry Ford rolled out the first Model-T at the end of the last Ice Age.

Congresses' Democrats and dissenting Republicans immediately chartered flights to Colorado and Washington State to sample the local loaded cigarettes and conjure up plans to solve the world's problems of global warming and the threat of asteroid invasion. The Republicans came up with a solution to cloak the world in a giant trampoline to bounce the asteroids back into space while the Democrats felt that if the Chinese would all just give the planet a big push it would send Earth a good million miles away from the sun into a much cooler climate.

The Tea Partiers spent their time looking through the Old Testament to find out if God smited the Model-T's before they boarded Noah's Ark.

Obama called the remaining Republican's bluff by telling them:

"Yeah, just go ahead and start shooting. None of us have any limbs anyway. Why do you think nothing gets done? Everyone stands around muttering and no one is willing to sign anything because no one has any arms as well as any backbones. So just shut the whole thing down".

"Honestly do we do anything?"

The sad thing about all of this is that all non-essential government personnel which encompasses the entire Congress, will be forced to stay at home and do nothing and not get paid for it in lieu of going to work and doing nothing and getting paid for it.

It's a chance for all members of Congress to get a feel for what Vice President Joe Biden has been doing for four years now which is nothing whether he goes to work or stays home. He mostly stays home.


For all of you people from Northern Virginia who think that you can immediately ride up I-66 on the wrong side of the High Occupancy Vehicle lanes without getting a ticket, we advise you to be cognizant of the fact that the local governments, as for now, will still be in effect. So if you don't get a ticket before you run head on into an 18 wheeler with your small hybrid that gets 3000 miles to the gallon, you will definitely get one when the impact sends you and your car 1000 feet into someone's garage. Unless of course the police officer is a furloughed Congressman who will most likely give you a raise.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more