New Pope will be from Africa

Written by IainB

Monday, 11 February 2013

image for New Pope will be from Africa
Vatican City will soon be rocking to an African beat.

It was only a matter of time before it happened, but it appears that the next Pope will be Cardinal Peter Kodwo Appiah Turkson. Turkson, a high ranking member of the Ghanaian Catholic Church, will be the first black pope for fifteen hundred years, and some are not sure if the modern Catholic church is quite modern enough.

"Pope's are white," said Nick Griffin, a Daily Fail reading, church-going bigot who doesn't know his Catholic history. "What next? A Black Queen?" Proving he doesn't know his laws of succession, either.

Some changes are going to be required if Turkson is elected. The first change that people will notice is that instead of black smoke in the Vatican chimney signifying a failure to elect, it will instead mean that Turkson has been elected, whilst white smoke will mean that Nick Griffin has got hold of the chimney, and elected an Irish cardinal instead.

There are other people in the running, but it is strongly suspected that the church will go for a black Pope to try and remove memories of Benedict being a Nazi during the Second World War.

"I hope Turkson does get it," said Jeremy Clarkson, a lifelong Catholic Fanatic, and presenter of Top Gear. "It'll be a return to the church's roots. We've not had a Pope resign for a gazillion years, and it's been even longer since we've had a black one. Bring it on."

Other changes will be evident should Turkson be elected. The pope mobile will be pimped for a start.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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