Written by PMT OSSER

Saturday, 26 January 2013

Wayne Swan, Australia's cleverest dyslexic Treasurer, has re-opened the debate about the country becoming a republic. "When Britain was an empire it had an emperor. When it was a kingdom, it had a king. Now Australia's got Julia Gillard we must become a country, and a republic at that", Swan stated while addressing the Sydney Catholic Returned Paedophile Club this week.

Swan is credited with singlehandedly and successfully steering Australia's economy through the Global Financial Crisis so he knows what he's talking about. "The fact that Australia was selling shitloads of iron ore, oil and gas and uranium to Al Qaeda and China throughout that period was sheer coincidence" says Swan, "so let's talk about the republic". Prime Minister Julia Gillard agrees. "G'day (nod, nod), Jules here, yeah Wayne an' me done a good job (nod, nod)on the econ ...., econo...., ecomonic thing and we've got the dough now to go it alone without the Poms". "Her Maj come here for CHOGM a while back and we had a chat over a nip or two. Her Maj isn't keen to keep flyin' over here especially since she found out I'm from Barry, the drug and fat underage single mothers capital of South Wales" Gillard said.

"But we won't rush it" Gillard went on to say. "Chances are Her Maj will snuff it in the next few years. So rather than havin' a difficult conversation now we'll just wait till she falls off her perch and then we'll get a new flag with a roo on it and something for the Abo's and then piss the Governor General off. Charles won't care, he can't spell 'republic' and anyway he's too busy sniffin' around Camela". Republicans all around Australia are excited again and are talking about funding a pistol and trip to Buckingham Palace by Chopper Reid to accelerate the republican process.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
83 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more